Dear Ms. Trainor: I Think You Missed The Point

15270741875_5019710647_mSo about that Meghan Trainor song… I think it’s time to have this conversation.

The party-pooper conversation you knew was coming from one of your friends sooner or later.

I’m that girl. Feel free to tune me out. Or feel free to be the other girl who’s angry with this girl for shaming The Radio Girl and in so doing upending and/or damaging the cause of feminism just as much as I perceive she is (even though that’s not what I’m doing at all).

Anyway.

I like the song. I want to shake it shake it every time it comes on the radio. It’s compulsively singable.

But here’s the thing. As I was listening That One Time when my 10- and 12-year-old nieces were in the car, I was (as I always am) keenly aware of the lyrical content and message they’re absorbing.

I can go with most of the song.

Because you know I’m all about that bass,
‘Bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
I’m all ’bout that bass, ’bout that bass

Catchy tune. I like heavy bass, too. It’s fun to follow a pulsing beat anchored by a great bass line. This one isn’t the most creative I’ve ever heard, but it’s… yeah, catchy.

Continue…

Yeah it’s pretty clear, I ain’t no size two

Okay. Neither am I. And kudos for you for being bold enough say it out loud, even if it is “pretty clear.” Because numbers are nothing more than math, and math is dumb.

But I can shake it, shake it like I’m supposed to do…

Wait. Huh? Who says you’re supposed to shake it?

‘Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase
All the right junk in all the right places…

…MY HEAD IS BEGINNING TO EXPLODE….

But let’s go ahead and skip forward…

I see the magazines working that Photoshop
We know that sh*t ain’t real
Come on now, make it stop
If you got beauty beauty just raise ’em up
‘Cause every inch of you is perfect
From the bottom to the top

Yes! Amen! This is all great!

Yeah, my momma she told me don’t worry about your size…

As every mother should tell every son or daughter.
Keep going.

She says, boys they like a little more booty to hold at night

Okay, STOP. RIGHT. THERE.

Here is where my fundamental problem with the song lies.

Her not-size-two boom-boom frame is apparently acceptable precisely because all the boys chase it…???

It’s okay to have junk if it’s in the right places…
According to boys???

While Meghan Trainor no doubt means well; while she is proclaiming – as we all should – that a woman’s size doesn’t matter; that her incomparable worth and beauty have nothing to do with a number on skirt tag…

While she rightly insists that “every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top” whether you’re a “skinny b**ch” who thinks she’s fat, a voluptuous woman with some serious padding and curves, or somewhere in between…

SHE’S STILL ATTACHING THAT WORTH INEXTRICABLY TO WHAT A MAN THINKS OF HER!!!!

BLERGHCHGHGHGSKH!!!!!

Don’t worry about your size BECAUSE boys like big butts!

It’s okay that I’m not a size two BECAUSE boys like it when I shake it, and they come booty-chasing!

Ladies.

LADIES!!

We can do better. We ARE better.

By most standards, I’m no feminist.

But this one seems pretty obvious:
You’re beautiful because you’re beautiful, whether or not this boy or that affirms it.

You’re size 2 or 12 or 20 frame is wonderful because YOU are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Your body is incredible because it takes you places. Literally. Your legs carry you across miles. They can carry you strongly across 3 or 6 or 13 or 26 or 50 or 100 miles in one day!

They take you in and out of businesses, all the way to the top floor corner office where your glorious brains and cunning creativity have landed you the presiding position over an entire company of employees who respect your prowess.

Your body is incredible because with it, you are able to grow, and then birth, and then feed and nurture tiny humans that happen from scratch inside you.

The fact that men here and there and probably everywhere think you’re physically attractive is secondary at best; flattering but superfluous.

So if you like to shake it shake it because dancing is fun and you don’t care what anyone else thinks of your curves and jiggle or lack thereof, I SAY AMEN! Shake it, sister!

But please.

Embracing and celebrating a bootylicious bass body because boys chase it, or because they like something to hold onto at night, is just as despicable as embracing and celebrating a skin-and-bones frame because the photoshopping fashion industry has deemed an emaciated figure more palatable on the runway.

And this concludes my rant for the day.

Thank you.